I have volunteered at a battered women’s shelter in Provo, and now at the YWCA in Salt Lake. According to statistics it takes the “average” women 7 times of running away to actually stay away from her abuser permanently. 7 times! It’s no wonder these women are struggling in a culture of oppression and slight-handed forgiveness of male transgression. But, look who they see in the media. High-profile women standing by their despicable, immoral transgressing men. One of them is running for US President.
It sickened me to see Eliot Spitzter’s wife standing by her husband confessed his depravity at his press conference. As one BBC column put it, “What possessed Silda Wall Spitzer, a Harvard Law School graduate, a corporate lawyer, a mother-of-three and a wife of 21 years, to bestow upon her husband that image of unity, familial love and partnership without which he would look hopelessly alone and guilty?” That woman should be ashamed. I wish she would have slapped him in the face at the press conference and NEVER LOOKED BACK.
European politicians are no strangers to scandals, infidelity, immorality but, ”The real difference is that Europe does not expect the wife to save the husband’s career. It seems old-fashioned, unreasonable and in the end it doesn’t do the wife any favours.” quibbs the BBC columnist. Why do we Americans stand by these men? Why do we expect the betrayed wife to be on the sidelines helping him recover?
This recent scandal stirs up my feelings on Hillary Clinton, for whom I will never have any respect after her husband’s Lewinski scandal. Hillary proclaimed on national television before the DNA evidence came out, that if her husband was guilty of such gross violations of human decency, that she should and would leave him. But, lo and behold, it was true. And she did not walk away! What a terrible example for women everywhere. Anne Martens says, ”People talk about what a role model Hillary is, how great she is for Women (capitalized). She isn’t. She hitched herself to a man that she thought would carry her into power and glory, and she was willing to be treated like a rug on the way there. She let him lie and cheat, over and over. She’s not a role model. Not for me.”
Yes, I believe in forgiveness, change, repentance. But, I also believe in consequences. Apologies do not erase the act, nor the consequences that follow. Especially superficial apologies brought on by force. Reinforcement of negative behavior does nothing to modify that behavior, it only perpetuates it.
Are we females collectively perpetuating infidelity, abuse, betrayal, moral turpitude? In this case, I see forgiveness as our own weakness, not a strength.
Stand by your man
Give him two arms to cling to
And something warm to come to
When nights are cold and lonely
Stand by your man
And tell the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can.
Stand by your man
A curse upon Tammy Wynette and every other star who has ever sung the above lyrics, inferiority’s anthem.
Anne gives some sound advice if we women want to take back some of our lost dignity, “What these wives should have done, what I would do, is put on my pretty red suit and pearls, and call my own damn press conference. Express, directly, how very disappointed I am in these hypocritical men who use sex as a power toy. How disappointed I am in my own lack of judgment for thinking that this husband could have been both a politician and an ethical, respectable man. Emphasize that real men, men who are worth marrying, treat their women with respect and treat sex with respect. Explain to all the young women out there that they should never, ever be treated like this - that if their husband is cheating or lying…well, they deserve better. Discuss that it’s hard when you love and trust somebody and you devote much of your life to them, it’s hard to be betrayed, but for the love of god there is still such a thing as self-respect. Then I would hold up the divorce papers for all the cameras to see.”
That’s what I’d like to see too. A little self respect. I aknowledge that what the husbands have done is despicable, dastardly and downright evil. They are fully to blame for their decisions and actions. I do not condemn the women for what their spouses have done. But, I’d like to see some tough consequences for these terrible acts.
Sisters, please. Let’s send a message to mankind. If your minds, hearts or bodies wander…. you can count us out!
