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Hurricane Dean seeks to destroy family vacation
By Neil Ransom | August 16, 2007
It has just been brought to my attention Hurricane Dean is progressing through the Caribbean and in all likelihood will hit Cancun the day before the Kelly family and Kate and I arrive.
The following outcomes were predicted by NASA’s super computer, Columbia:
- Kelly family’s flight is delayed in Texas for a day or two before it is safe to land in Cancun. When they land they find Cancun a desolated rumble heap with the entire population of tourists absent because they have illegally immigrated to Chiapas, Mexico. Kate and Neil have to steal a scooter and scoot their way through the eye of the hurricane at 35 miles an hour until they get to Cancun and meet the rest of the family. They all have a wonderful family vacation living in the remains of 5 star hotels and eating deep sea creatures washed up from the tsunami that follows.
- The Kelly family is able to fly to Cancun on schedule however they must fly around the hurricane adding 130 hours of flight time. By the time they land in Cancun they have just enough time to run through the airport and catch their flight home. In the mean time Kate and Neil start a NGO to help displaced tourists find foster families. While Kate remains a charitable saint Neil embezzles most of the hundreds of millions of aids dollars sent to the NGO. He eventually buys the state of Oaxaca from the Mexican government in what becomes known as the Oaxacan purchase, declares himself Mayan king, and rules the region with blood and terror the remained of his short days until he is violently dethroned by a CIA backed Mayan Liberation Army (MLA). The MLA eventually take over and rule with even more blood and terror. The MLA begins training terrorist who make an attack on American soil affecting mostly farm land. The US retaliates and starts a “short war” that turns out to be a quagmire costing the US thousands of soldier lives and billions of dollars only to withdraw in defeat.
- The Kelly family arrives without a hitch. During the few short hours they are in the air the Republican Party is found to be slave trading, illegally trafficking stolen human organs, and funding the largest systematic massacre of bunnies, puppies, and kittens. All of them are forced to resign and flee to Mexico as political refugees. Kate and Neil arrive on time in what turns out to be a pleasant bus ride from Campeche. Refugeed republicans are forced to seek low wage jobs throughout the Yucatan. The Kelly family vacation is wonderful, the sun comes out, the world’s pollution goes away, and during a nice seafood dinner the Kelly family is served by none other than George Walker Bush…and they Kelly’s don’t leave a tip.
Tagged with: Adventure • Cancun • Kelly-Family-Vacation • Mexico • Vacation
August 16th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
In case you were wondering, I was the tipster in this story, seeing as I’m part of the family vacation. Is there anything that supercomputer can’t do . . . ? I like the Mayan King scenario. I could see that happening. That Dean better back off, or Matt will put him the arm-bar!!
August 16th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
hahaha.. I’m hoping for option 3 (minus the being served by g-dub). Mainly I’m shooting for this outcome since I’d rather not be stuck in the lone star state, and having my brother in law become an assasinated Mayan king would be fairly depressing. Lets all hope the hurricane decides to go elsewhere…