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Today’s Church Service Nearly Killed Me
By Neil Ransom | August 5, 2007
To start off let me just say that I enjoy church. I have been going all my life and plan to continue going well after I’m dead (if Kate agrees to take my urn with her). But today I just about didn’t make it out alive. I am rather a robust person. There is little that upsets, hurts, or stops me from preforming. I hike hard hikes, climb big mountains, overcome sickness without medicine, don’t complain about cuts and scraps, and can deal with the climate. But today at church I found the one thing that will knock me flat on my back and leave me for dead…cheap Mexican cologne. Someone sitting near me had the worst smelling of anything I have ever experienced doused all over him or her…in fact he or she probably submerged them self in a bath of the stuff before leaving for church. I can’t quite describe the scent but it was somewhere between equal parts gasoline, vinegar, and paint thiner and an electrical fire in a morgue. The smell was so rank, so potent, and so unbearable after 2 minutes sitting by this person I found myself sliding down the migraine slope into one bad Sunday. Luckily I was near a window and discreetly bathed the chapel for fresh air. Even so well after church while walking to the bus I still had the scent in my nostrils. Next Sunday I think I will take a gas mask and just say I am sick.
I try not to be ethnocentric and judgmental, but there are just a few things culture has no right to claim…female genital mutilation, salvery, and for heaven sakes using cheap awful colognes and perfumes.
Tagged with: colognes • electrical_fire • ethnocentric • female_genital_mutilation • migraine • paint_thiner • perfumes • Religion • salvery
August 6th, 2007 at 10:36 am
Come and sit by me at church and I promise not to wear ANY perfume!
August 6th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Sounds like the cologne may have been Sex Panther. 60% of the time, it works every time!
August 6th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Crap. I guess I’ll have to return your birthday presents for the next five years.
August 11th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
The real wonder is that they managed to make it all the way to church without passing out themselves.